We just returned from our 5 week stay in Utah. We had such a great time and the boys will definitely miss their cousins. Both Mac and Jaxton cried when we told the cousins "goodbye" and kept asking why we couldn't stay. Myles and Hailey got married the last day that we were in Utah and it was a beautiful day. Their sealer was Joseph F. McConkie and it was very cool to here everything insightful that he had to say. Their reception was held that night in Hailey's backyard, which included a pool, waterfall, playground, hot tub, volleyball court, etc. We had been telling the boys all night to stay away from the waterfall/pond and they had actually done well to listen. We made it all the way to Myles and Hailey's send off when Jaxton appeared completely wet from the waist down, with sand and grass caked on him. Come to find out he had got in the pond and then to dry himself off he had put sand and grass all over him. After he told me the story he was quiet for a minute and then he said, "What the crap was I thinking?" The kid is hysterical! Mac and Jaxton took swim lessons at the SV pool (talk about childhood memories) while we were there in Utah. On the last day each of their classes got the opportunity to jump off the diving board if they wanted to. Both Mac and Jaxton were up to the challenge and Jaxton got up and did it with no problems. Mac on the other hand, tiptoed his way up, looked down at his teacher, and then as he jumped yelled out, "I'M GONNA DIE!" But he came out of the water with a big smile on his face and wanted to do it all over again. Jilli started crawling toward the end of her 10th month and she just pulled herself up to a standing position for the first time today. She is growing up so fast and it's just breaking my heart. My favorite things are her snort face that she thinks is hysterical and her dancing. She will dance to any music, slow or fast, by bobbing her head and even doing a little shoulder shimmy. Our families fell in love with her and she quickly found a way into each of their hearts. Beckam had everyone at home thinking he was the most sweet, layed back child ever, which he is most of the time, but he definitley has a super sassy side to him as well. A while back I had got after him because I thought he had broke our friend's sprinkler, only to find out that she had turned the water off. I then turned to Beckam and said, "Sorry, Beckam. I thought you had broke it," to which he replied (with arms folded and eyebrows furrowed), "That NOT otay!" Jaxton's prayers lately have been pretty hard to keep a straight face during. Tonight he included in his prayer, "Bless that Heavenly Father will have a safe day in heaven, bless that Jesus will come down and visit me, and bless that I won't say 'What the heck.'"

Classic Mac

Mac went to his friend, Kaylee's, birthday party today. After I picked him up and we were in the car, he told me that Kaylee had received a lot of Barbie's for her birthday. I replied telling him that I had loved and played with Barbie dolls when I was a little girl. After thinking it over for a second he then asked me (very seriously), "But yours were wooden?" OK, so when did 30 become the new 90?
Mac asks great questions! His last one that I didn't immediately have an answer for was, "When God and Jesus created the world, how did they decide which side of the world got to have day first and which side had night first?" Even I had to consult with a couple people before I gave him an answer.
What a kid!

Popcorn

I learned at a young age that things that seem wonderful in the beginning sometimes aren't. I remember as a teenager babysitting for a family with three kids. We were watching a movie one particular night and eating out of a bowl of popcorn that had been popped earlier. I love popcorn and especially buttered popcorn, so I was picking out all of the butter-drenched pieces to eat. After eating quite a bit of this delicious popcorn, the oldest of the kids asked me why I kept eating all the popcorn that Jeremy (the youngest child) had sucking on and puting back in the bowl. YUCK! I learned that even when things seem so appealing in the beginning, that instead of digging right in, I need not make a hasty decision, but one that is well-informed.

Today I said to Beck, "I think me and you are best friends." He then put his hand on my cheek and said, "Forever." I couldn't love that little guy with all his sassiness and sweetness any more than I already do.
I also took Beck to the doctor this week for his 3 year check up and as the doctor was feeling around his stomach he said that Beckam had the largest amount of abdominal muscle in a 3 year old that he had ever seen. He was amazed at how strong he was. I guess all those sit-ups that the boys do with Nate are paying off. :)

Jaxton finished off his preschool year this week and he has decided that he really likes school and learning. He's made great progress this year with his letters, numbers, and writing his name, as well as learning that it's okay to feel shy, but that he doesn't need to because people always really like him. On his end-of-year progress report, according to his teacher the two things that he needs to work on are "following directions more closely" and "galloping." He's made some great friends and I'm sure he will be very excited to see them again in the Fall.

So the potty training has begun. As far as I'm concerned potty training is the worst parenting job I have encountered thus far. I just keep telling myself that once Beckam has it, then I only have one more to go. Maybe a recent conversation with Beckam will let you know how the process is all going.
Me: Beckam, you need to start pottying on the toilet like a big boy.
Beckam: NO!
Me: Well, you need to decide whether you are going to be a baby and do baby things or whether you are going to be a big boy and do big boy things.
Beckam: (after thinking for 10 seconds or so he folds his arms, furrows his eyebrows and says . . .) Neither! I not want to be a BABY and I not want to be a BIG BOY! I JUST WANT TO BE BECKAM!
Heaven help us with this little guy. This whole experience sure is bringing out his stubborn side.

I lost my brand new phone a few weeks back after I had picked Mac up from school. I pretty much freaked out in the car when I discovered that it was missing and I was trying to figure out where it could be and Mac kept asking me questions like "How much does a new phone cost?" and "What kind of store do you buy phones at?" After ignoring him the first few times I reacted not so patiently with, "I don't care how much they cost or where you get them. I just need to find the one I had!" After a bit of silence from the backseat, Mac then said, "I was just asking you those questions because I was going to use my money to go to the store and buy you a new one." I'm so grateful for my children and their gentle reminders every day to be a better person.

Jilli is 9 months old today. I can't believe that we've had her for three quarters of a year. I just can't imagine our lives without her. She's so mellow and easy going and fun to have around. The boys grow more and more in love with her every day, which I didn't think was possible. I keep waiting for the excitement of having a baby sister to wear off, but so far it hasn't and I really don't see an end in sight. I'm super happy that my boys think she's the greatest thing ever.

And then there's Jax. Still the same sweet guy with the greatest laugh imaginable. His laugh turns heads and makes everyone smile. He's becoming quite musical and can be found making up songs at all times of the day. Most of them consist of naming the members of our family and then repeating phrases like, "You're so sweeeeet! I love yoooooou!"

Love my crew!

Mac forgot to put something in his backpack for show-and-tell on Friday, so he danced (brake dance to be exact) for his class. According to him everyone cheered for him "and that doesn't usually happen during show-and-tell." I wish I knew what his teachers thought about the kid who loves to sing and dance and sing some more for Sharing time. That's our Mac, our little performer!

On Monday I asked Beckam if he was ready to be potty trained and he quickly replied with, "next week." That means tomorrow's our day to start and Beckam's not the only one not looking forward to it.

Jillian is officially a clapper and she loves that she can do it. That little smile with her vampire teeth, her chubby little arms, and her baby hands are just all too much. She just makes us happy.

It took a little while, but Jaxton has finally found a love for learning. He's catching on to his letters, and making pictures, and writing his name. It's a wonderful thing when your child loves learning and school.

Jaxton also has the sweetest little accent. Our absolute favorite word that he says is "gills" (which is "girls" with a twang). It's the greatest thing and makes us smile everytime he says it.

Good, not Great

Nate took Mac and Jaxton to the Stake Father and Son's campout tonight. So Beckam, Jilli and I got a movie, cleaned out the garage, talked outside with friends, watched the movie, and now Jilli is sleeping peacefully in her crib while Beckam lay sleeping happily on my bed. Everyone is happy, or should be at least . . .
It's not that I'm unhappy, I just have this overwhelming sense that having happy kids and a happy husband, a clean house, and dinner on the table just isn't enough. I seem to be battling my life-long fight of being good, not great. The pressure to do more always seems to be lingering near and then there's also pressure I put on myself to be great at something. I can paint, I can parent, I can cook, I can clean, I can sew, I can dance, I can run, I can joke, I can craft, I can write, I can teach -- it's true, I can do a lot of things, but I'm not REALLY good at ONE thing. Lots of people find their niche, that one thing that they are great at, and for 30 years I've been looking for mine. I'm wondering if being good at a handful of things is what I'm supposed to be great at . . . I guess I could handle that, but I do wish I could be AWESOME at something, anything!
Push through it, I know, I will.