Thoughts on Life

I'm sad.
For the past 4 years I have thought about, prayed about, fasted for and talked about having another baby.
Today I took a pregnancy testing, hoping that, unlike all the others I have taken in the past four years, that this one would be different.
It wasn't.
Honestly, it was difficult for me to get on my knees this morning and talk to God.  I had a harder time reading the scriptures and I just wanted to curl up and sleep all this off.
And then I remembered that God's will is not always my will and I did my best to humble myself again.
But, I still can't shake the sadness.
I said to Jilli, "I'm sad today." And she asked why.  I told her, "Because I don't think I'm going to have any more babies," to which she quickly responded, "Well, when I'm a mommy I'll have lots and lots of babies and you can borrow one of mine."
And for a moment she made me smile.
I love that girl.
How grateful I am for the four children I already have!